Prose
Magic Mushrooms
CAST (Turdfeather, Hubcap, and Alex are at Burning Man. Alex has just biked back, wet, dirty, grimy, and excited.) ALEX: You guys! You guys!! I found some magic mushrooms (Alex hands the mushrooms out to the other two camp members.) TURDFEATHER: You didn’t get these from the Frat camp, right? On a scale of one…
Not Even Hiding It
CAST (At a coffeeshop. Jayna removes her sunglasses and scarf. Maya is annoyed.) JAYNA: I know what you’re thinking, Maya. But it’s not what it looks like. MAYA: It LOOKS like you’re cheating on Oliver, Jayna. A lot. My boyfriend says he’s seen you on Onlyfans, Grindr, Scruff, Feeld, Farmer’s Only, and the free section…
The Future Stone
CAST (Olive Garden. Lunchtime.) JAYNA: Hey Oliver, guess what I have—— A future stone! OLIVER: Whoa, Jayna! Did the old man put up a fight? Never mind, I don’t want to know. How many charges does it have left? JAYNA: Thr– TWO! There’s exactly two charges left! OLIVER: Oh wow, I’d better pull the fire…
Temptation Toilet II
CAST (Alex Enters. All other characters are milling around.) ALEX: Hey everybody, I’m Alex. I just got added to the show. MIEKE: (Spits) Mieke. In home country, hello is sign of disrespect. Spitting more polite.(To the audience)Spitting also sign of disrespect. But less so. JOEY: Joey, nice to meet you.(Joey walks up to the audience.)Nice…
Burning Man
(Unpacking) Ash: Thanks for letting me tag along to Burning Man with you, Maya. HUBCAP: Shh! Do you want to get kicked out of the Orgydome?? My Burning Man name is Hubcap. TURDFEATHER: Yeah, not to mention that it’s bad luck to speak without rolling around in the dirt firs (A pause. Ash slowly lays…
Olive Juice
CAST (Sitting at the edge of a pier, bottle in hand.) OLIVER: I wish they hadn’t repossessed my gun’s trigger. It would make everything so much easier. Still: nobody is going to miss me..(Oliver looks at a letter he wrote.)And there’s a typo. Whelp, I’d better not read it again or I’ll notice more. YOUNG…
Waiting Room
CAST A Hospital Waiting Room ANTHONY: Excuse me, I’ve been here for four hours. How backed up is this place? DONNA: (distracted) Insurance information. Please fill out both sides. ANTHONY: I already filled out that sheet. And the other one. What is taking so long? DONNA: It’s a very busy day. Crickets sound. Anthony is…
Dealing with Bullies
Knock on the door. BILLY: Go away! DAD: (opens the door) Son, your mother told me to check on you. BILLY: I’m fine! DAD: Son, I know school can be hard sometimes. But you have to go. BILLY: I hate school! I hate everyone there! I wish we’d never DAD: Are your teachers nice to…
Unhinged
(Patio. Maya walks up with some Trulys) MAYA: They were out of Nyquil, but I brought your other favorite flavor: Cotton Candy!(Maya opens a can and gives one to Oliver) OLIVER: Thanks. Sorry there’s no coasters, I needed to make some money fast. MAYA: I thought you got paid yesterday! You’re usually so good with…
Same as the Old Fiancé
(Wedding reception, the Awkward table) JAYNA: Oliver. It’s good to… well, you look… how have you been? Weird that they sat us together. OLIVER: Jayna! Right? Like, who told them that’d be a good idea?? … unless…??? JAYNA: Oliver, I want you to meet my fiancé, Squoliver. SQUOLIVER:(Slight German accent)Will you bring us some more…
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.