- CAST
- Oliver – 30s
- Jayna – 30s
- Squoliver – 20s
- Squayna – 40s
(Wedding reception, the Awkward table)
JAYNA: Oliver. It’s good to… well, you look… how have you been? Weird that they sat us together.
OLIVER: Jayna! Right? Like, who told them that’d be a good idea?? … unless…???
JAYNA: Oliver, I want you to meet my fiancé, Squoliver.
SQUOLIVER:
(Slight German accent)
Will you bring us some more merlot? Her glass is empty.
JAYNA: Oliver and I dated for five years. It wasn’t very serious.
SQUOLIVER: Ah, Mr. Quick Soft. A pleasure to meet you.
OLIVER: Not serious?? We lived together! I paid for your dog’s tummy tuck! We made a different pasta every week!
SQUOLIVER: Oh, we still do that, only with better ingredients and more variety… Oh, I’m sorry, I feel like I said something wrong.
JAYNA: It’s okay, honey. He’s just jealous I found someone new.
SQUOLIVER: I do not understand jealousy. For example, I see Oliver and feel no threat at all.
OLIVER: Jayna, can’t you see? He’s exactly like me! You didn’t get over me, you just found someone exactly like me!
JAYNA: No, Squoliver is a couple of inches bigger and taller than you, better at sports, and doesn’t need medical-grade contact lenses.
SQUOLIVER: Also, I am not a child of divorce. In fact, my parents remarried while still together.
JAYNA: Don’t be mad at me just because I found somebody and you didn’t.
OLIVER: You know what? I wasn’t going to say anything, but as a matter of fact, I did! This person I’ve been hiding is my date, Jayna.
SQUAYNA:
(Sheepish)
It’s Squayna, actually.
JAYNA: Oh, sorry! I thought you were the waitress.
SQUOLIVER: Ma’am, I think you have broccoli on your teeth.
SQUAYNA: No, I was born like that.
JAYNA: How long have you two been dating?
OLIVER:
(Triumphant)
Six months! We started dating only ONE month after you and I broke up.
SQUOLIVER: Oh, that’s almost half as long as we’ve been dating!
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.