Listicles
Lists are ways of organizing thoughts. Some thoughts work better this way. For instance, groceries:
Eggs, milk, butter, cheese, prostitutes.
Ten Worst Times to Propose
With your one phone call. As your last words. While in the process of breaking up. On Opposite Day. While actively cheating. On an idle Tuesday. While playing
Why I wish I were one of quintuplets
Help teach object lesson in cloning Perfectly choreographed rock-paper-scissors competitions Road trips are always a blast Nobody would be able to trust eyewitness accounts fingering me at the scene of the crime anymore Finally get honest feedback into how my singing really sounds If I was ever jumped by quadruplets, I’d have the upper hand…
Top 10 Amendments
First1 Lots of stuff going on here. Speech, press, protest, petition, religion? Awesome. Leave some for the other amendments! Thirteenth2 Oh man, solving the Original Sin of the Republic? This is the *baptism* of amendments. Good job, Lincoln! Nineteeth3 Seriously? It took 130 years to give half the country the right to vote? We decided…
Things I did not understand before living in the cold, cold north
Scarves Pajamas Evening showers Boots Winter tires Wind chill The weather as a conversation topic Seasonal SADness Salt Slush Wintry mix Despair
Things Ruined Forever by Hitler
The Hitler Mustache The Hitler Fanny Pack Goose Stepping The initials S.S. Vegetarianism That salute (makes hailing cabs more difficult… unless you want a particular kind of cabbie, I suppose) The name Adolf The names Bdolf to Zdolf The Swastika Loving Dogs The writings of Nietzsche Comparing people to Genghis Khan in Internet debates Bunkers…
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.