Listicles
Lists are ways of organizing thoughts. Some thoughts work better this way. For instance, groceries:
Eggs, milk, butter, cheese, prostitutes.
Seven unexpected benefits of weighing over 400 lbs.
Given the recent popularity of listicles (which we were into before they were cool), instead of just making unordered lists, we’re going to start numbering items
Things Other People Know Better Than You
No matter how old you get, you will never know some things about yourself better than a stranger. For example: The sound of your voice Your gait How you look from behind How funny/original you really are What you wrote in their yearbook What other people think/say about you Whether you are loved.
How to ruin a sure thing
I haven’t been on a date with a new person in a few years, but I started this draft in 2012 and I’m pretty sure I still know how to finish it. Can we wrap this up soon? My mom wants me home by eight. Do you mind if my ex-wife comes to dinner with…
He’s the Least Interesting Man in the World
He thinks ketchup is too spicy The army is designing their next form of camouflage after him He thinks the missionary position is scandalous He is the character in the horror movie that dies off camera His sexual interests and favorite ice cream flavor are both vanilla His favorite shape is square His favorite soup…
My Graduate School Murtaugh List (circa 2011)
An ongoing list of things for which I am too old: New reading groups New subject matters Becoming friends with first years on purpose Camping out for tickets of any sort Going to basketball games Going to boring talks just for free food Volunteering for anything Taking classes Dating people in my department Social drinking…
Things that should not be decorative
Pillows Towels Balls Coat racks Pockets Fire extinguishers Pets Transportation Chimneys Urinals
A Man should be able to…
Change his oil/change a tire Please a woman Earn a living Fight for a cause Shop for himself Clothe and feed himself Teach a child how to ride a bike and how to play chess Take a vaccination Keep a secret Hold his alcohol Balance a checkbook Embroider a nice pattern onto socks
Rules for Shotgun
Independently originated, then influenced by this website and this other one: Shotgun must be said audibly to all present or the person’s hand must be on the door handle Window is a separate option that must also be called independently. All other rules for Window are the same as those for Shotgun. The car must…
Extra Chunky
Things for which ‘extra chunky’ is good: salsa peanut butter chocolate chip cookies scrabble words shark bait Things for which ‘extra chunky’ is bad air milk blood sneezes Shadowrun characters
Things you don’t Shake
Soda Beer Babies Obese people Self-confidence Layered drinks Weights A Bomb A carton of eggs Glassware Fish tanks
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.