Listicles

Orange Juice, or any other juice from concentrate Hands Your booty Cocktails Bad memories Everything if you’re being treated for Parkingson’s Down a suspect Salt

Past versions of myself have been much better than me at quite a number of things. Some of these I want to get back to, others I’m ambivalent about. Here’s a nice list: Having a sense of purpose – and the happiness that came from coming close to that.1 Being funny2 The ladies3 Sobriety4 Sleep5…

Cujo The Shining Heck, all horror movies The Goonies Panic Room Pirates of the Caribbean The Labyrinth Lord of the Rings Home Alone Titanic

(Crossposted) This is a list of items I hope to do every day. If I fail at any particular item, it’s okay, because there are many items on this list and I just want to do most of them: Run 5k Write microfiction for 20 minutes Write one sentence Write e-mails for 10 minutes Read…

Stairmaster, thighmaster, or any other exercise device Exercise DVDs Fine China Rough India Encyclopedias (and so many other books) Art Plants Children Awkward clothes and costumes from eras past Musical instruments (for non-professional musicians)

I would say that more than 50% of the population is better than me at… Dancing Flexibility Women and Relationships Sports and sports trivia Staying uninjured Music Non-Internet, non-1990s pop culture Fashion Car repair and car types Major purchases Avoiding paradoxes while time traveling or manipulating reality1 I need to work on this one [↩]

Whenever I imagine a sequel that should not be made, I always imagine the title will be “[movie title]: [greater amount of movie title]” or “[movie title] 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Try it with any of the movies on this list: Fair Game: the Valerie Plame story Titanic Philadelphia The Sixth Sense The Passion of the…

Whiskey, a revolver, a blank page with the title “Reasons not to commit suicide” and nothing else A dartboard in which a picture of you is the target Nude self-mural Monitors to the secret cameras in your house A portal to another dimension Enya fan letters Nazi paraphernalia Many bodies of your friend’s clones Human…

cut self on daisy thimble on too tight jabbed eye with monocle underwear chafe reached too hard for the mayonnaise jar slipped in the tub hernia while on toilet tripped on a tulip knelt on a barbie doll poked head with bobby pin bouncy castle collapse drowned in the ball pit too much darn lace…