Seven unexpected benefits of weighing over 400 lbs.

Given the recent popularity of listicles (which we were into before they were cool), instead of just making unordered lists, we’re going to start numbering items on our lists. Obviously, this is a ploy. Equally obviously, it affects none of the content. Read on!

  1. You will never lose a game of see-saw again.
  2. Deadly poisons are slightly less effective. 1
  3. A significant amount of your body is now non-vital, making you virtually bulletproof.2
  4. People are less likely to borrow your clothes.
  5. Increased resistance to the cold.
  6. Unable to be drafted (and possibly die) for your country.
  7. If you are ever offered your weight in gold in exchange for hunting a mythological beast, you’ve got it made!
  1. Possibly so is alcohol, crucial nutrients, and all consumption in general. []
  2. Note, medical science demonstrably shows this statement is false. But medical science has a well-known anti-morbid obesity agenda. []