Burning Man
(Unpacking) Ash: Thanks for letting me tag along to Burning Man with you, Maya. HUBCAP: Shh! Do you want to get kicked out of the Orgydome?? My Burning Man name is Hubcap. TURDFEATHER: Yeah, not to mention that it’s bad luck to speak without rolling around in the dirt firs (A pause. Ash slowly lays…
Olive Juice
CAST (Sitting at the edge of a pier, bottle in hand.) OLIVER: I wish they hadn’t repossessed my gun’s trigger. It would make everything so much easier. Still: nobody is going to miss me..(Oliver looks at a letter he wrote.)And there’s a typo. Whelp, I’d better not read it again or I’ll notice more. YOUNG…
Waiting Room
CAST A Hospital Waiting Room ANTHONY: Excuse me, I’ve been here for four hours. How backed up is this place? DONNA: (distracted) Insurance information. Please fill out both sides. ANTHONY: I already filled out that sheet. And the other one. What is taking so long? DONNA: It’s a very busy day. Crickets sound. Anthony is…
Dealing with Bullies
Knock on the door. BILLY: Go away! DAD: (opens the door) Son, your mother told me to check on you. BILLY: I’m fine! DAD: Son, I know school can be hard sometimes. But you have to go. BILLY: I hate school! I hate everyone there! I wish we’d never DAD: Are your teachers nice to…
Unhinged
(Patio. Maya walks up with some Trulys) MAYA: They were out of Nyquil, but I brought your other favorite flavor: Cotton Candy!(Maya opens a can and gives one to Oliver) OLIVER: Thanks. Sorry there’s no coasters, I needed to make some money fast. MAYA: I thought you got paid yesterday! You’re usually so good with…
Same as the Old Fiancé
(Wedding reception, the Awkward table) JAYNA: Oliver. It’s good to… well, you look… how have you been? Weird that they sat us together. OLIVER: Jayna! Right? Like, who told them that’d be a good idea?? … unless…??? JAYNA: Oliver, I want you to meet my fiancé, Squoliver. SQUOLIVER:(Slight German accent)Will you bring us some more…
The End of the World
(Peter and Anna walk through a park. People are running through, shouting. Peter is perplexed.) PETER: What’s going on? ANNA: Oh, that’s probably because the world is going to end in an hour. PETER: Wait, what?? Since when?? ANNA: Oh, it was on the news all morning. Asteroid. Seems pretty inevitable. PETER: (Flabergasted) What? We…
The Compromise
(Int. Kitchen) MAYA: So… I think I’m craving Thai food again. DIEGO: I don’t know about that. I love Thai food, but you remember what happened last time, Maya. MAYA: Diego, I appreciate and acknowledge your worries. But we’ve been to therapy.. I think we’re ready. DIEGO: You know, I spent a whole year studying…
Character Monologue #1
I can’t believe they gave me a ticket. I paid the meter! I paid one of the meters, anyway. And why should I pay for a second one? I only parked one car! Do you know who gives those tickets? You should spit in their coffee if they ever come here. Like I’m not going to double…
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.