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The real Grandfather paradox was neglect
Tim went back in time to kill his grandpa. Tom went back to kill Tim’s grandfather too. Tim’s grandfather has no clue why everyone hates him
Hulk Can’t Smash
Steroids make men’s testicles shrink. So the gamma rays were responsible for the Hulk’s size, but they weren’t responsible for his anger..
Sharing
Tim never learned to share. Neither did his wife Sharon. They were a bad couple. Tim found Karen on the Internet. Poor Tim. Sharon is Karen.
The dark side of nominative determinism
Ed named his dog ‘Cat’ ironically. One day, a burglar broke in with a crowbar, Cat meowed. Ed failed to see the irony.. Because it was dark.
Black Sheep
Art, the artist, married Sue, a lawyer. They had three sons: Phil, a philosopher, Jack, a mechanic, and Dick, a disappointment.
Skipping school
Skip was a stupid child. He was held back a grade. “That’s ironic,” his teacher remarked. Skip said nothing. Because Skip was pretty stupid.
Packs quite a punchline
JK was never taken seriously. In April, she overheard terrorists on the train and sent mass texts: “BOMB INSIDE! JK” There were no survivors
He died. She cried worthwhile tears.
She saw her tears and instantly knew what to say: “He is not worth it, honey.” “My dad just died.” She wept. “Okay, so maybe he is.”
Batman
He took her to his mansion and revealed his secret identity. “I would have slept with you anyway- There was really no reason for theatrics.”
But he’s always there for you
She whispered across the glass, “I love you.” He looked out at her and said, “I know. I’ve always known.” This was her favorite movie.
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.