puntitleverse
Barfly
Ed ordered a PBR and sat at the bar being judgmental. The bartender left to check on the other patrons. Ed wondered why nobody liked him.
Some things take time, others lives
Wally was a comic, so for Hourly Comic Day he painted Trompe-l’œil every hour. His hand fell off at 9 a.m. He died from blood loss soon after.
Why sunlight is the best disinfectant
For John, the party didn’t start until the sun rose and didn’t end until dusk. You can see why John was miserable after the vampire bit him.
Sharon’s List
Sharon regularly solicited sex in personal ads until her husband Tim responded. They had a laugh and went home. She switched to Craigslist.
The real Grandfather paradox was neglect
Tim went back in time to kill his grandpa. Tom went back to kill Tim’s grandfather too. Tim’s grandfather has no clue why everyone hates him
Hulk Can’t Smash
Steroids make men’s testicles shrink. So the gamma rays were responsible for the Hulk’s size, but they weren’t responsible for his anger..
Sharing
Tim never learned to share. Neither did his wife Sharon. They were a bad couple. Tim found Karen on the Internet. Poor Tim. Sharon is Karen.
The dark side of nominative determinism
Ed named his dog ‘Cat’ ironically. One day, a burglar broke in with a crowbar, Cat meowed. Ed failed to see the irony.. Because it was dark.
Black Sheep
Art, the artist, married Sue, a lawyer. They had three sons: Phil, a philosopher, Jack, a mechanic, and Dick, a disappointment.
Skipping school
Skip was a stupid child. He was held back a grade. “That’s ironic,” his teacher remarked. Skip said nothing. Because Skip was pretty stupid.
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.