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Moderate Depression
The test said Eli was suffering from moderate depression. “Oh, great,” he thought. “I can’t even be outstanding at That!”
The order and quantity really matters
It wasn’t until Dex needed forgiveness that he was able to give it. He was always too slow to forgive, too quick to forget.
Mummy didn’t want to be mommy
The pharaoh’s wife was mummified with he fingers crossed. Hers was the longest con.
He adjusted his fedora and left
“You just knocked out a pregnant woman!” they cried. “I know it seems unfair, but consider that it was two against one,” Ali responded.
That’s quite a flex, there, son
The advertisement said, “Our personal trainers will help you meet your goals. GUARANTEED!” Timmy called and said, “Make daddy come back!”
This post is about your mother
He was so paranoid he thought everyone was making fun of his mother. Even if nobody had said the words “fat,” “ugly,” or “whoregoblin.”
Nonsense
He always ended arguments by loudly reciting nonsense. Today he was reciting pi. “You’re being irrational again!” She complained.
Nice Enough
She called him a nice guy and he got indignant and annoyed. She smiled to herself. A guy who wasn’t nice would have let her continue.
Die Young, Leave a Beautiful Absence
She was taken before her time, but not a moment too soon.
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.