sex
Burning Man
(Unpacking) Ash: Thanks for letting me tag along to Burning Man with you, Maya. HUBCAP: Shh! Do you want to get kicked out of the Orgydome?? My Burning Man name is Hubcap. TURDFEATHER: Yeah, not to mention that it’s bad luck to speak without rolling around in the dirt firs (A pause. Ash slowly lays…
The End of the World
(Peter and Anna walk through a park. People are running through, shouting. Peter is perplexed.) PETER: What’s going on? ANNA: Oh, that’s probably because the world is going to end in an hour. PETER: Wait, what?? Since when?? ANNA: Oh, it was on the news all morning. Asteroid. Seems pretty inevitable. PETER: (Flabergasted) What? We…
The Gift of the Magi II
Jim sold his watch to buy Della a comb, she’d sold her hair to buy him a watch chain. “Wait,” she said. “What did you do with the rest of the money?” Jim confessed that he had spent the rest of the money on hookers and blow: “…You might want to get tested.”
Registered Rule Breaker
He never met a rule he didn’t break. It was disheartening, then, how wildly he misunderstood the sign: “no flash photography” #Gr8NFFD #vss
Mummy didn’t want to be mommy
The pharaoh’s wife was mummified with he fingers crossed. Hers was the longest con.
Unforgivable Offenses
“I slept with your sister and she gave me AIDS.” She forgave him. “And I think zombies have jumped the shark.” This she could never forgive.
The prank that was time insensitive
He waited for the test results for weeks until he realized his friend had changed his answering machine message to a dial tone. April Fools!
Corina was gorgeous.
Corina was gorgeous. Nobody ever stayed mad at her. She made men miserable or ecstatic. Corina thought she was content. She couldn’t tell.
Sharon’s List
Sharon regularly solicited sex in personal ads until her husband Tim responded. They had a laugh and went home. She switched to Craigslist.
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Ironically, he didn't see it coming.