He died. She cried worthwhile tears.
She saw her tears and instantly knew what to say: “He is not worth it, honey.” “My dad just died.” She wept. “Okay, so maybe he is.”
Batman
He took her to his mansion and revealed his secret identity. “I would have slept with you anyway- There was really no reason for theatrics.”
But he’s always there for you
She whispered across the glass, “I love you.” He looked out at her and said, “I know. I’ve always known.” This was her favorite movie.
A Daily Checklist
(Crossposted) This is a list of items I hope to do every day. If I fail at any particular item, it’s okay, because there are many items on this list and I just want to do most of them: Run 5k Write microfiction for 20 minutes Write one sentence Write e-mails for 10 minutes Read…
Things I am bad at estimating
* How much time things will take * How much time I have available * How funny I am * How much something will affect me emotionally * How tall I am * How pregnant ladies are * How much hugging is appropriate * How people will take the silly thoughts that come out of…
Things people own, but don’t use
Stairmaster, thighmaster, or any other exercise device Exercise DVDs Fine China Rough India Encyclopedias (and so many other books) Art Plants Children Awkward clothes and costumes from eras past Musical instruments (for non-professional musicians)
Things at which I am worse than average
I would say that more than 50% of the population is better than me at… Dancing Flexibility Women and Relationships Sports and sports trivia Staying uninjured Music Non-Internet, non-1990s pop culture Fashion Car repair and car types Major purchases Avoiding paradoxes while time traveling or manipulating reality1 I need to work on this one [↩]
Movies for which a sequel is totally inappropriate
Whenever I imagine a sequel that should not be made, I always imagine the title will be “[movie title]: [greater amount of movie title]” or “[movie title] 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Try it with any of the movies on this list: Fair Game: the Valerie Plame story Titanic Philadelphia The Sixth Sense The Passion of the…
This one’s called the ‘Irish Priest’
2 oz. Irish Whiskey 3 drops of Holy Water (or blessed regular water) 1 Cherry Pour whiskey into shot glass. Open up with drops of holy water. Add a cherry. Weep for your sins.
Scary things to find in a friend’s house
Whiskey, a revolver, a blank page with the title “Reasons not to commit suicide” and nothing else A dartboard in which a picture of you is the target Nude self-mural Monitors to the secret cameras in your house A portal to another dimension Enya fan letters Nazi paraphernalia Many bodies of your friend’s clones Human…
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.