Why sunlight is the best disinfectant
For John, the party didn’t start until the sun rose and didn’t end until dusk. You can see why John was miserable after the vampire bit him.
Sharon’s List
Sharon regularly solicited sex in personal ads until her husband Tim responded. They had a laugh and went home. She switched to Craigslist.
The real Grandfather paradox was neglect
Tim went back in time to kill his grandpa. Tom went back to kill Tim’s grandfather too. Tim’s grandfather has no clue why everyone hates him
Hulk Can’t Smash
Steroids make men’s testicles shrink. So the gamma rays were responsible for the Hulk’s size, but they weren’t responsible for his anger..
Movies that would have ended sooner with a smartphone
Cujo The Shining Heck, all horror movies The Goonies Panic Room Pirates of the Caribbean The Labyrinth Lord of the Rings Home Alone Titanic
The dark side of nominative determinism
Ed named his dog ‘Cat’ ironically. One day, a burglar broke in with a crowbar, Cat meowed. Ed failed to see the irony.. Because it was dark.
Black Sheep
Art, the artist, married Sue, a lawyer. They had three sons: Phil, a philosopher, Jack, a mechanic, and Dick, a disappointment.
Skipping school
Skip was a stupid child. He was held back a grade. “That’s ironic,” his teacher remarked. Skip said nothing. Because Skip was pretty stupid.
Packs quite a punchline
JK was never taken seriously. In April, she overheard terrorists on the train and sent mass texts: “BOMB INSIDE! JK” There were no survivors
Ironically, he didn't see it coming.