āOkay, so, if you ever happen to be in that situation again, fearing you might be assaulted by a guy, I know what to do.Ā And Iāll tell you, but first, and this is importantā¦Ā can you have a bowel movement on command?ā
Pamphlet: How Poo Can Help You!

Ironically, he didn't see it coming.