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When Pixel heard that there was going to be another student coming to Duke, he held a secret wish that it be a female. Preferably a cute one.

When he found out it was a cute female, he highfived the air so hard, he thew out his elbow.

“Still,” Pixel foreshadowed, “I better not do anything with her, because it might turn out for the worse.”

One night, Pixel and his fellow first-year, Iris, ended up dancing to very sensual music. As Chumbawumba played in the background, Pixel and Iris began kissing passionately.

The next day, Pixel went over to Iris’ house to explain that it was all a mistake caused by alcohol and they should probably forget it. Iris, meanwhile, hoped that Pixel would claim it was a mistake caused by alcohol so that she could forget it.

Naturally, they ended up making out yet again.

“We can’t blame the alcohol anymore,” Iris said soberly.

Pixel, for his part, was happy to have someone to kiss when he was bored. But Iris saw it differently. Sometimes, when Pixel forgot about her for several days, she would take offense.

“You have to talk to me about your life now,” she said. “You know, we’re in a relationship now.”

Pixel didn’t know.

Pixel had ended up in a relationship without his consent. He told Iris this, but she refused. He was unaware that break ups had to be two-party consent. Axe murder, it turns out, doesn’t.